The Doctor is In! ACT Works to Help Focus
Accept what you can’t control and learn to move forward into the life you want.
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) is a cousin to Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). It’s a form of talk therapy that uses mindfulness and self-acceptance to break negative thought and behavior patterns. This treatment modality can help you focus on the present and acknowledge your thoughts and feelings rather than fighting them or feeling guilty about them.
Your name(s): Konstantin Lukin, Ph.D
Company name: Lukin Center for Psychotherapy
Your position: Founder, Clinical Director
Website: www.lukincenter.com
Phone number: (201) 409-3093
Business address: 128 S. Euclid Ave, Westfield, NJ 07090
Hello Doctor! Can you tell us a little about yourself?
My name is Dr. Konstantin Lukin and I am a clinical psychologist, husband, and father of three. I started Lukin Center for Psychotherapy in 2014 with the intent of providing evidence based treatments, i.e., treatments that have been shown effective through research, in a warm, accepting, and kind therapeutic environment. As we have grown over the past decade, I am fortunate to have amazing, caring, and highly qualified mental health providers who decided to join the Lukin Center team. In my spare time, you’ll find my family and I outside, hiking, walking, or just being in nature.
Am I the only dad that feels this way?
As a clinical psychologist and a dad, I wear 2 hats – one of an understanding, empathetic, validating, accepting-where-you-are-at clinician, and another one of being a regular dad wanting the best for his kids. Currently these 2 parts of myself are at odds with each other as my kids are trying out for the world of travel sports teams. Don’t get me wrong, I love the idea that my kids enjoy playing sports and competing, but the amount of logistical coordination, drama, and emotional cliffhangers that I have been on in the past couple of months is definitely more than I expected. The competition for a couple of openings on a team is fierce. Equally fierce is the amount of anxiety that parents experience watching their kids try out. Some parents just drop their kid off to tryouts, which my bet is they do so to avoid facing the stress and comparisons that await parents who decide to stay and watch. As the tryout season comes to a close and if you similarly find yourself feeling exhausted (either due to excitement because your kid made it or disappointed that they didn’t), know that we are all feeling it and are in the same boat. As for me, I will rely on humor and lightheartedness to get through this stressful time, and I hope you can join me in using them as part of your emotional toolbelt as well!
With Father’s Day coming in the month of June, what can you tell us about ACT? How can men benefit from working through this form of therapy?
Lots of men I see in my practice struggle with imposter syndrome, i.e., needing to pretend that they are more proficient in an area than they actually believe that they are. This reminds me of a Larry Miller Standup comedy show, the one about men walking around NYC in suits and ties asking each other, “do you know what’s going on? I don’t, do you?”
Joking aside, fighting the feeling of inadequacy is no small feat. The amount of denial, pretending to be something you are not, and outright fantasy is enormously stressful to one’s psyche. Wrestling with feelings of unworthiness, or feeling “lower than” or not as knowledgeable as the next guy is very challenging. Lots of men will do anything to come across as being in charge, all knowing, dominant, and sometimes outright arrogant. The truth of the matter is that there is so much tension that exists between actual self-worth and this showboating, that, often, this tension is “broken” in unhealthy ways, e.g., alcohol misuse/abuse, procrastination, or just plain constant irritability.
My ounce of cure is a simple 3 steps process
1) lean in and accept your areas of strength and areas of growth,
2) embody humility and curiosity about things you don’t know, and
3) craft and create opportunities of learning that will help you to actually feel more confident in the area, where previously, only tension and self-derision existed. Easier said than done, of course, but with intention and consistency, the pitched-up facade of narcissism fades away and is replaced with a sense of peaceful confidence. Now who wouldn’t want that as their Father’s Day Gift?